Alright, so this logic came to me at nine this morning. I donned my headphones, turned my iPod to shuffle, stepped out into the wind, the cold, and the snow, and all of a sudden, it hit me. I feel like it was the first time I really smiled in a week. I felt joyous. It was strange. But here's how it came about:

( How it came about... )

People keep telling me to keep my options open, that I deserve better, that I can't "train" him like I need to.

Well you know what? Melissa of last week couldn't keep her options open because she didn't believe she had options. Melissa of last week didn't think she deserved what she had. And Melissa of last week didn't think she could "train" him.

Then, Melissa of today realized what a little bitch Melissa of last week was and kicked her out of the house.

Melissa of today has a million options because she is awesome.
Melissa of today deserves to get what she wants - which will always be the best.
Melissa of today has rationale enough to realize that compromise, not strict obedience, is the best way to work out a relationship.

Melissa of today can handle whatever life throws her way, as can Melissa of tomorrow. And the next day. And the next.

SO HA!

I'm unhappy.

Today's weather was glorious. I had two (relatively) easy exams and I saw Steve for lunch. It's Thursday, and I love Thursdays. The weekend is here, and on Saturday I have 1) the Purdue game and 2) Steve and mine's two month.

I should be happy.

But all today, I was fighting back tears. Ha, actually, screw that. I broke down into them no less than three times and have a feeling that tonight is going to be rough.

I just feel worthless. I feel worthless and undeserving and imperfect.
I'm not good enough and I don't understand why I can't just be okay.

That is all.